Monday, April 29, 2013

Could my dirty past be haunting me? Please help before I go crazy

Please, I seriously need advice on this issue. It's been haunting me and tearing my conscience apart since I got married 5 years ago.

After my university education, I did everything possible to ensure I got posted to Abuja and to National Assembly to be precise. I was a very pretty girl with all the right curves in the right places and I didn't want to waste that.

I knew exactly what I wanted to do at the National Assembly  I wanted to make money, lots of money and I knew that the quickest and easiest way was to date Senators. So, as a young, sexy and extremely beautiful 23 year old graduate, I set out on my journey.

At first, it was easy, I got to date senators and they spoilt me with a lot of money but before long, many more girls, even university girls were entering into the business and things began to dwindle. I spoke with one of my (co aristo) friends on how she still manages to have so many senators, white men and very rich politicians dating and spoiling her with so much money.

She introduced me to a very expensive native doctor in the suburbs of Abuja who gave me a tiny string of beads to tie around my waist after some incantations. At first I didn't believe in it's power and reluctantly paid the N250k that I was charge but on my next outing, I was surprised at how much Baba's jazz seemed to have worked.

In 2 years, I had acquired a piece of land in Abuja and developed it. I stayed in a nice rented apartment in Asokoro and drove a Prado Jeep. I had travelled to as many countries as I wanted. Whenever I was in Lagos, I was chauffeured by one of my 'uncles' drivers. In other words, I was a big Abuja girl by all standards and was living very large. Meanwhile, I never spent a kobo from my salary.

I had abortions so many times that it became normal for me. I told myself that if it's still in the first trimester, it was just blood clots and nothing to feel bad about. Inshort, I killed my conscience.

When I was 28, I met this really nice guy who incidentally was also from my home-town. We dated for a while and he proposed. I happily accepted. One week before my traditional wedding, my mother, who knew how I made so much money without discouraging me, died mysteriously.

Before my wedding, I handed over all my aristos to my younger sister who was already 24 at the time and whom I'd introduced to the lucrative business, she had also gone to visit Baba.

Now, it's been 5 years since I got married and I've never been pregnant. Instead, those aristos I dated keep visiting me in my dreams and having sex with me. Sometime, I see the Baba pursuing me and at other times, I see babies laughing at me with money in their mouths.

We've visited different hospital several time but the doctors keep saying we're both ok and we should just be patient. We've done so many tests and tried IVF both in Nigeria and in the US but they've never successful.

I'm so worried, sometimes, I think I'm going crazy. I feel this has to do with my past which I've never disclosed to my husband who is a good Christian. Sometimes, I wish he'll marry another woman or at least get another woman pregnant. I really don't know what to do, I feel I'm being unfair to him. I really love my husband and will hate to hurt him.

Do I disclose my dirty past to him and face his anger and disappointment or do I keep praying for the fruit of womb. Will it ever happen to me? I very much desire to have a child of my own.

Please don't judge me, I'm not proud of my past and I know what I did was wrong. I already judge myself. All I want is genuine advice before I go crazy. 


  1. Sigh. The devil does not give free gifts. You know what you need to do, no need to be harsh with you or beat a dying horse, I won't judge you. But you definitely need to pray, first by yourself, confessing your past misdeeds, then with a pastor of a bible-believing church, confessing again because you need to be delivered from the juju you willingly entered with your native doctor. Your childlessness is linked to your past abortions and misdeeds, and ultimately you will need to let your husband know, with the Pastor as your witness/mediator? I wish you all the best.

  2. Ha! the kind of things people lead themselves into just because of money. Sorry sister, you can't eat your cake and have it. You have to confess to your husband and free him of this bondage you've roped yourself into.

    I pray God is able to help you from this situation. It's a dirty past true. You need serious deliverance. Where did you tell your husband you got all those gifts from by the way?

  3. You should have read the handwriting on the wall when your mother died mysteriously. Please, I beg, take your sister from this sinful way of life and go for deliverance quickly before she gets into the bottomless pit.

    I pity for your situation but pity cannot help you here. You need to see a very strong man of God and confess to your husband. You must be ready to face the consequences of your past because he can kick you out if this situation is not well handled.

    I wish you all the best.

  4. Psalm 103:8-12 The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

    My dear, God loves you beyond all that, if you want to be free, and truly free, you need to welcome Christ into your life. Understand your rights in Him, that understanding creates light that will chase away the attacks.. It is a gradual process but trust me,that is where the answer is. Thank God your husband is a christian, you need wisdom if you have to tell him.

    Read more:

    1. God bless you for this comment, thank you for not condemning her and reminding her of God's love that can never be fathomed.
      She needs to do a restitution with the help of a pastor and the guidance of the holyspirit, because her confession is very delicate.

  5. hmm... the past is full of regret and it can never never be it begins with you, let go of it.

  6. the answer is for you to be utterly truthful with your husband and pray that his christian nature will come int o play.
    And like one of the commentors said, you need to set your self free from the bondage of the devil by going for a deliverance before it is too late.
    There is nothing Jesus Christ cannot do for you if you truly repent and ask for his forgiveness.
    He died on the cross to put all our shame and guilt to death.
    It is time for you to be free from the clutches of the devil by refusing to hold back the sin anymore okay?

    The lord is your strength and He does not judge us like people do.
    Just do not hesitate anymore. Tell your husband and seek for deliverance immediately and the God i serve will bless you with your own children.

    Before i forget, i need not tell you that you need to let your sister know of what you are going through and discourage her from continuing in the evil act.

  7. God have a plan you in oder plase that your joy will ever be.if you go where u wnt do u no what will happon to you.pray ask God to give best of all he perpi 4 your life.give your life to God then he will care & bring all you need to pass.