Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The world is too big

When I was about 15, I had a friend in my class who seemed to know everything about the world.

In short, she seemed to be totally world-wise.

She always felt she had so much to teach me and I looked at her in awe and wonderment because i felt she knew them all.

Now, Auntie knew about Benedicta because she made it a duty to know all my friends.
It was Benedicta's birthday and she was going to have a party, (I never had birthday parties!) she invited me over and I told her that I would like to attend but I wasn't sure if Auntie will let me.

She looked at me with pity the way she always did and told me that when I finally got out, the world will be too big for me to handle.

I didn't quite understand what she meant by that. I went home and asked Auntie if I could attend Benedicta's birthday and as usual, she turned down my request. I felt bitter and told her that Benedicta said the world will be too big for be to handle one day.

Auntie was so mad at me, I can't quite remember but I think she did slap my face. But one thing I remember, she warned me never to be seen with Benedicta again. She said I mustn't go close to her again and I must avoid her like a plague. She went as far as telling one of my teachers to watch out for me and make sure I never move around with Benedicta because she's a bad influence.

I never told Benedicta what Auntie said but I guess she got the hint and noticed I was avoiding her. She asked me if I'd been forbidden from speaking with her and I lied that I hadn't. What she meant in essence was that, I was so ignorant, I'll most probably get lost in the world which will be too large, complicated and strange for me to understand. I'll most probably snap, try out all bad things and totally loose it.

True to her word, the world was a little too large for me when I just started going out, I was naive, overly trusting, totally innocent and gullible, but I never ever lost it. I took the lessons learnt from home with me. Even though I trusted people, I never let them hurt me.
Today, I guess the world is just big enough for me.