Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Save the Best for Last

When I was a little girl, one of my favourite songs was Vanessa Williams' 'Save The Best For Last'.
It has always been beautiful to me but it has never held as much meaning for me as it does today, because tell you what, I'm in my late 20's and for the first time in my life, I'm really dating! That is how late a bloomer I am.

Ok, I've had friends, I've attempted dating, I've been involved, but I mean, for the first time, I'm with a guy who I truely love, want to have kids with and cherish every moment together. I can use the word 'Love' comfortably for the first time and can actually see a future with a beautiful and complete family with only one man.

I thought this was never going to happen to me, thought it only happened in the books and romance novels but here I am, really loving and really being loved. This is the most beautiful time of my life and I'm so thankful to God.

Sure, He does save the Best for Last.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Villain

That Boy!

My younger brother was a villain. You can't blame him in a home where there are 7 females and 2 males.

He was the last male child as well as my immediate younger brother. I sort of liked him when we were growing up but felt bad that he'll rather hang out with his male peeps than of me.

I remember something he did which I don't think I've forgiven him for because I still want to revenge, even though it's been about 20 years. I was about 6 and he just finished using the toilet. I went in while he was still there and for the fun of it, I asked him how he'll feel if I locked him in. He laughed heartily and told me he knew I'll never do something that wicked to him, which was true. But can you believe the irony of it all, he excused himself immediately and locked me in!

Wasn't I scared. I imagined everything that could happen to me, I imagined a dragon coming out of the toilet and burning me up. I imagined maggots suddenly filling the toilet, as if that wasn't bad enough, I suddenly saw a roach which was a nights mare to me *and still is* I imagined snakes, every scary thing in the whole world and as I imagined, I screamed for help. Unfortunately, I had a tiny voice and nobody could heard me. I was locked up for over 2 hours until my sisters started missing and looked for me. They found me locked up in the toilet and the culprit,.. he had totally forgotten his evil deeds and was playing away his life with his silly friends.

I don't think he ever realized how long I stayed in that prison neither did he know how traumatic that experience was for me, but one day, just one day, I'll tell him, he'll know the pain and fear I felt then as a little six year old, but how do I go about that to achieve the exact effect that experience had on me. He's got to suffer as much as I did

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Toasters

I was about 16 when the toasters started trooping in. There were the smart ones; the stupid ones, the nice ones; the outrightly annoying ones, the sweet ones and of course; the bitter ones.

I particularly remember Kingsly. He was an interesting guy, I didn't know he was ever going to ask me out. I thought he was just intelligent and interesting. Then, when i was about 17, he dropped the bomb. This guy was so much older than me and I didn't think twice before I said NO.

I still wonder why I was so so shy of guys, why they had so much strength over me. I used to stay awake for hours at night thinking I was hurting him. I felt remorseful that I said no, yet, I never said yes. I thought he loved me too much and I had broken his heart for saying no. Yet, I still said no.

I was pretty strong you'll say. I was stubborn and I knew what I wanted even though I was so confused.

Interestingly, I used to get really turned on if a guy as much as told me I looked pretty. I mean, I still wonder up till now, how on earth I was able to stay away from sex or from getting myself hurt. I was so easily turned on, guess it was all the romantic books I filled my head with. I don't know how on earth I managed to escape the bad boys.

Maybe the novels helped, maybe I was looking for the perfect guy before getting into anything that I'll regret and of course I always had my family at the back of my mind. I didn't want to disappoint anyone especially my sisters whom I respected a lot. Equally, didn't want to be a disgrace to God and the blessed virgin Mary. She was my role model of some sort and I wanted to be good.

Today, I wonder a lot what my daughters will be like when I have them.

The Optimist

I was very optimistic kid.

I believed everything was going to be perfect once I grew up, I'll have all the fairytale cloths, speak with my fairy Godmother, have a glass shoe and every other thing I ever desired or ever wished for.

I thought Nigeria will be better once I grew up. I looked forward to living in a country that will be just as developed as America. I told my cousins that with the quantity of oil we've got in this country, the country is going to be a lot better than the USA when I grow up. I mean, I practically sounded as if the world was waiting on me to grow up and become perfect. Ironically, I didn't see what role I had to play to make this a reality apart from just growing up.

Then, I became a teenager, I read up every Mills and Booms you could think about. I dreamt about falling in love with this gorgeous, tall, lanky, intelligent, breath mistakingly handsome guy with the heart of a prince, who'll love me so much and spoil me rubbish but one thing I never put into this fantasy was 'rich'
Don't know why, maybe I thought wealth came with all of these qualities.

Then, suddenly I grew up and here I am, still without my glass slippers, without my fairytale cloths, Nigeria still without light and still not as good as the USA.

I guess I'm beginning to loose my faith. I'm grown up, the green eyed little girl with so much optimism has seen a lot in, that aren't going to happen to me. Maybe one day, one good day, I'll still have my glass slippers.

Some of them did come true though and I still look forward to having others come true.

Monday, August 11, 2008

How are babies made?


When I remember a heated argument I had with my cousins when I was about 13, I wonder just how ignorant I was as a growing child.

The argument was simply, 'how are babies made?'
In my own opinion, mom and dad or a man and woman who are committed to each other lie on a bed, pray that they have a baby and go straight to sleep. When they wake up, lo and behold, the baby is in the female's womb and she has the baby in nine months time.

I stuck with this opinion because I couldn't imagine my dad or mom whom I respected very much being naked and doing stuff. I thought it was insulting on my parents for anyone to even imagine my dad could ever stand naked in the presence of anyone; including my mom and vice versa.

My cousins reasoned with me, argued, showed me text books on procreation but I just simply insisted that for the fact that the word 'sex' wasn't used in any of the texts, it's simply not possible.

Today, when I remember that, I wonder what they would have been thinking about me; stupid, I guess isn't even good enough to describe it.

Friday, August 8, 2008

The Last American Virgin

That movie!

It did make a mark on me. I remembered for a long time some of the sound tracks that were used in the movie, especially *that's the way, ahan ahan, I like it* and *I did my best, but my best wasn't good enough*

But the most important mark it made on me was the fact that when you really like a guy, he treats you like shit. I made up my mind never to love a guy the way the heroine loved her boyfriend, who treated her like shit, got her pregnant and dumped her. I remember the other really nice guy who loved her, picked her up, cleaned her up, got her unpregnant, stole and sold his parents things just to make her happy, yet, she went back to the bad guy. I thought and still think she was really silly.

It was good for me though, I stayed away from the bad guys, and sex was a no go area. I always remembered how the abortion was performed and it scared the shit out of me. I definitely didn't want to get into that kind of situation, so, I simply stayed away from boys.
Part of being a late bloomer huh... you can say that again.

Late Bloomer

I am a late bloomer!

I started school pretty late which meant I had to forgo nursery school and just went straight to Primary School when I was about 4. I got to puberty stage pretty late, I mean, I started having my period when I was about 16 and started budding breasts when I was about 14!

I gained admission into the university when the people that I left secondary school were already in 200 level and I didn't know a lot of things my mates knew back in those days.

I remember when I was about 14 and in secondary school, the 'big girls' in class would hang together and talk in hush voices, I used to be quite curious and ask what they were talking about, they'd say 'you won't understand'.

I used to be quite angry then, but I think back, I probably wouldn't have understood their little gossips or talks about boyfriends after all.

What about boyfriends, lol! I had my first 'boyfriend when I was 16, but wait a minute, it's not what you think, we lived in different cities and the only thing that made him my boyfriend was that we exchanged letters often. I mean we never even held hands how much more kissed.
I smile today when I remember.

My first kiss, yes, that one, really funny huh, I had it when I was already 18!. I'd looked forward to it but I didn't want to do it, I felt it was too early, I was too young, kisses were wrong, kisses were sinful, they signified commitment. But at 18, I felt I was grown up enough to have a kiss and I had a kiss. I felt elated, I felt like I'd done something only 'big girls' could do. When I remember now, it makes me laugh.

OK, now, this is silly, but I remember the kids in my neighbourhood *who were more than 5 years younger than me* used to talk about porn movies, I never had the nerves to watch them. I thought they were too grown up for kids and only 19 year olds and above should see things like that ( I wonder where I got the idea of the age, lol). I looked forward to my 19th birthday so I could watch a 'grown up' movie, and guess what I eventually watched? 'Last American Virgin!' After seeing that movie, I felt like I knew every thing there could be about sex, about boys and girls. It's funny, I was disappointed at the end of the movie.

I'll talk about that movie and the late blooming some other time, right now, I've got to go.