Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Toasters

I was about 16 when the toasters started trooping in. There were the smart ones; the stupid ones, the nice ones; the outrightly annoying ones, the sweet ones and of course; the bitter ones.

I particularly remember Kingsly. He was an interesting guy, I didn't know he was ever going to ask me out. I thought he was just intelligent and interesting. Then, when i was about 17, he dropped the bomb. This guy was so much older than me and I didn't think twice before I said NO.

I still wonder why I was so so shy of guys, why they had so much strength over me. I used to stay awake for hours at night thinking I was hurting him. I felt remorseful that I said no, yet, I never said yes. I thought he loved me too much and I had broken his heart for saying no. Yet, I still said no.

I was pretty strong you'll say. I was stubborn and I knew what I wanted even though I was so confused.

Interestingly, I used to get really turned on if a guy as much as told me I looked pretty. I mean, I still wonder up till now, how on earth I was able to stay away from sex or from getting myself hurt. I was so easily turned on, guess it was all the romantic books I filled my head with. I don't know how on earth I managed to escape the bad boys.

Maybe the novels helped, maybe I was looking for the perfect guy before getting into anything that I'll regret and of course I always had my family at the back of my mind. I didn't want to disappoint anyone especially my sisters whom I respected a lot. Equally, didn't want to be a disgrace to God and the blessed virgin Mary. She was my role model of some sort and I wanted to be good.

Today, I wonder a lot what my daughters will be like when I have them.

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